eurekapd Chapter 237: The Weight of Being Loved
Chapter 237: The Weight of Being Loved
"No," Theo didn’t hesitate at all.
The woman paused, and looked at her, "Why?"
"I don’t know why, but...," Theo sighed and looked away because her eyes were too intense and she felt guilty, "I don’t want to go back to that place that carries weight. I want to remain here, and I’ve already made up my mind. I’m sorry, but nothing you say or do, will change my mind,"
The white void breathed softly around them, as if it were listening. The woman did not let go of Theo’s hand when she said no. She did not pull away either.
She simply stayed there, her grip steady and warm.
For a long moment, she said nothing. Then she exhaled slowly and heavily, like someone who had known this answer was coming and had still hoped otherwise, "You sound exactly like I did," she said quietly.
Theo frowned and glanced back at her, "You wanted to disappear too?"
"Yes," The woman admitted without hesitation, "More than anything."
Theo’s chest tightened, "But you just told me I shouldn’t."
"I know," Her lips curved into a sad smile that made Theo’s heart ache again, "That’s how you know I learned too late."
They resumed walking, though Theo could not remember deciding to move. The void shifted beneath their feet, responding to them and rippling like mist underwater.
"I don’t feel brave," Theo said suddenly, "You talk about fighting and living and choosing things. I don’t feel strong enough for that,"
"You don’t have to," The woman replied, "You never did."
Theo stopped again, "Then why does it feel like everyone expects it from me?" Her brows arched in question.
Her mother turned to face her fully now. The white light reflected in her amber eyes, making them glow with an intensity that made Theo’s breath hitch, "Because you were born with fire," She said softly. "And fire scares people who have spent their lives in the cold."
"I don’t feel like fire. I feel... tired."
Her mother reached up and pressed her forehead gently against Theo’s. The touch sent a ripple through Theo’s fading form, like a bell struck underwater, "Tired is allowed," She murmured. "Rest is allowed. Wanting peace is allowed. But disappearing is not the same thing as resting."
Theo squeezed her eyes shut, "But I want to go. It hurts to exist."
"I know," The woman whispered, "I know."
They stood there like that for a while, their foreheads touching and eventually, their breaths synced even though Theo was not sure she still needed to breathe.
"You said I lost my mates," Theo said suddenly. The words slipped out before she could stop them, catching her by surprise. She did not know where they came from, only that they felt heavy and true.
The woman stiffened.
Theo pulled back, searching her face, "I don’t remember him. Or them. But every time you talk about going back, my chest feels like something was ripped out and never healed."
The woman’s eyes shimmered with tears. "You loved deeply," she said. "That kind of love leaves an echo even when the memory is gone."
Theo shook her head slowly, "I don’t want to remember that kind of pain."
"You won’t remember it the way you think," The woman said, "Not all at once. Not like a blade. It will come back like warmth. Like familiarity. Like knowing you are not alone,"
"You make it sound nice." Theo laughed weakly
"It can be," The woman said, "If you let it."
Theo looked down at herself again.
More of her had faded. Her arms were barely outlines now, and her legs were dissolving into light.
"I think I’m running out of time," She murmured, oddly calm.
"Yes," The woman replied, her voice a little tight, "You are."
Theo looked back up. "Is that why you came?"
"Yes."
"Not to take me away."
"No."
"To push me back into something I don’t understand."
The woman nodded once, "Into life."
Theo stared at her for a long time, then she said,
"Why do you care so much," She asked quietly. "If I disappear, I won’t feel anything. Isn’t that better than suffering?"
The woman’s composure finally cracked, and she brought a hand to her mouth. Her eyes shone brightly and her voice trembled as she spoke, "Because I made the same choice," She said. "And I regretted it for the rest of my existence."
Theo’s heart clenched, "You said you died."
"I did," she replied. "But dying does not end wanting. It does not end love. It does not end in regret."
She reached out and placed her palm over Theo’s chest, right where her heart should be, "I watched you from where I was," She continued, "I watched you grow. I watched you fight. I watched you break yourself into pieces trying to be enough for a world that never deserved you."
Theo’s breath shook, her breathing rough with tears, "Then why didn’t you stop it?"
"Because I could not," The woman said softly, "And because you needed to find your own reasons to live."
Theo’s tears fell soundlessly into the white nothing, "I don’t know if I have any left," She whispered.
Her mother knelt in front of her, lowering herself until they were eye level. And that was when Theo realised that somehow, during the conversation, she had reverted back to her younger self. She was about ten years old now, "Then let me remind you of one," The woman said.
She lifted her hand, and the void around them shifted.
The white Void began to move and Theo gasped as images flickered into existence around them, not memories but impressions.
Laughter she could not place.
The warmth of sunlight on skin.
The thrill of running.
The feeling of being loved.
The sound of her cries in the darkest nights.
Out of everything she heard, two stood out very much. HELLCAT and VENOM.
She clutched at her chest, another tear falling, "What is this?"
"Echoes," The woman replied, "The things you felt most deeply. The things your soul refuses to let go of."
Theo staggered back, feeling like she was about to be ripped open, "Stop. It’s too much."
"You asked why it hurts," The woman said gently, "It’s because there is still so much of you that wants to live."
Theo dropped to her knees, "I don’t want to be strong anymore," She sobbed. "I don’t want to fight fate. I just want to be... small,"
The woman wrapped her arms around her, holding her as tightly as the void would allow, "Then be small," She said. "Be small in their arms. Be small in moments of peace. Be small when the world is too loud."
"What if I go back and I fail?" Theo cried harder.
The woman gently stroked her hair, "Then you fail. And you rest. And you try again. That is living."
"What if I hurt people?" Theo whispered.
The woman’s hand stilled for a moment, "You already have," She said honestly, "And they are still fighting for you."
Theo froze. "They are?" She was stunned.
"Yes."
Theo pulled back, searching her face desperately, "Who?"
Her mother smiled through tears, "Two very stubborn wolves. And a silver one who refuses to give up."
Something deep inside Theo stirred, and Silver light flared faintly around her hands, "What is that?" Theo breathed.
"Your wolf," The woman said softly, "She has been screaming your name."
Theo clutched her head as a distant sensation brushed against her.
Pain.
Rage.
Love.
A roar that did not belong to her but knew her intimately.
"They’re in danger," Theo whispered, though she did not know how she knew.
"Yes," The woman replied, "And so are many others."
Theo shook her head violently, "I can’t help them. I don’t even exist properly anymore."
The woman took her face in both hands, forcing her to look up, "Listen to me," She said fiercely. "You do not need to be whole to matter. You only need to choose."
Theo’s form flickered wildly now, fading and reforming as silver light threaded through her transparency, "What if I go back and I disappear anyway?" Theo asked, her voice breaking.
The woman pressed a kiss to her forehead, "Then you disappear knowing you tried," She said. "And that is a far kinder ending than vanishing because you were afraid."
Theo squeezed her eyes shut. Somewhere far away, she heard something roar and a howl followed soon after.
Theo opened her eyes and looked up at the woman, her eyes shaking, "I’m scared,"
"I know," The woman whispered, "So was I. But you are braver than I."
Theo laughed weakly through tears, "I don’t feel brave."
"You never do when it matters," The woman replied.
She stood, pulling Theo up with her. Their height was almost the same again, and Theo realised she was back to her grown self.
The white around them began to crack, with thin black lines spiderwebbing through the void.
"Time is almost gone," The woman said urgently, looking around them.
Theo looked at her, panic rising in her chest too, "Will I see you again?"
The woman gave her a soft and aching smile, cupping her face again, "Not like this."
"I don’t want to say goodbye." Theo cried, her throat tightening.
"You are not," The woman said, "You are saying see you later." She then placed both hands over Theo’s heart, "Go back. Not for the world. Not for duty. Not for fate,"
The cracks widened around them, but they didn’t take their eyes off each other.
"Go back because somewhere out there, you are loved in a way that refuses to let you fade."
Theo felt herself being pulled backwards as light, silver and pain began wrapping around her.
"I don’t know who I am," She cried, thrusting both hands out to touch the woman again.
The woman’s voice followed her, steady and fierce, "You are Theodora Blackthorn!!" She yelled, "You are my daughter and you are the strongest woman I know. That is who you are!"
At that moment, the white Void shattered, and Theo screamed as she fell.